Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
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there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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