just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
