Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
