hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
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Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
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I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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