dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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