I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
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he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
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