You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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