Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD