Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.