Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is