Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
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We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize