Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize