Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
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i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
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The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Sext me about skeletons
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
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