Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
