dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
