It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize