Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
