Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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