Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
