i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
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I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
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Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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