doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
well you can't waste a boner
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
