please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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