You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize