Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize