he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
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I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
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If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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