Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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