No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
