Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
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