Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
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I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
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Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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