he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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