i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Randomize
