yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
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