I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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