It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
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I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
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We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize