Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
