I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.