I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
