so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
