I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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