Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
