You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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