I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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