I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.