The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.