Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
