Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
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No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
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He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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