the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
