I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
