it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
