Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
