The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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