:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
