i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
