I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
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